Writing isn't just throwing a bunch of stuff down on paper and hoping someone will like it. You need to give your words plenty of consideration. Make them work for you. I know, I've said to use a conversational tone in your writing, and that's true, to a point. But we still, as writers, need to clean up the careless structure and repetition that we tend to use in everyday conversations.
A good way to punch up your writing is by using strong action verbs. Don't just write, "She ran to catch the bus." Write, "She raced (sprinted, galloped) to catch the bus. If she's wearing high heels perhaps she wobbles, her ankles bending precariously with each long stride. Flip-flops? One of them might go flying off her foot and she loses precious time retrieving it. Or, if she's really desperate to catch that bus, she opts to abandon the flip-flop, only to find, two blocks later, that the bus driver won't let her on with one bare foot anyway.
Editors and publishers love to see a writer who's not afraid to use good, strong action verbs. It shows them this is a writer who doesn't take the lazy route, and, s you can see by my bit of free-association above, the very use of action verbs generates ideas.
Use who when referring to the subject of a clause; whom for the object of a clause. Here's an easy way to remember: If you can answer the question with him or her, then use whom. (Him and Whom both end with M) If you answer the question with he or she, then use who. Who was watching the television? He was watching the television. To whom should I give the remote control? Give it to him. Whom do I love? I love him.
A Bit of Promotion:
Shapato Publishing will be at the Clay County Fair again, in the Art Barn. We will have several new books to offer, including No Turning Back: The South American Expedition of a Dragon Slayer by Benjamin "Coach" Wade, who will be a returning contestant on the new season of Survivor: South Pacific, premiering in September.
"The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug." Mark Twain