Basketball and dragons

Friday, June 17, 2016

It's not so much that I wanted to write a third straight column about the NBA Finals (And, like, fifth straight about the NBA or something like that. I'll mix it up when this is all over. I promise.), it's more of a situation where I have to write about the Steph/LeBron Thunderdome otherwise I won't be able to live with myself in the future.

The Finals come once a year. Finals like these, with individual legends taking on dynastic legends with legendary performances to create the stuff of legends, happen pretty few and far between. Exactly zero times since I've been alive, in fact.

Therefore I just can't help myself, but as you can tell from the title, there's a little spin on this.

And as much as I wish I was writing about the near transition from the New Jersey Nets to the New Jersey Swamp Dragons (This is a real thing by the way. Google as you see fit.), I'm instead writing about the brutality with which the "powers that be" (the proverbial "they") schedule summer television.

I've spent the last year or so of my life without television. By that I mean no cable, satellite dish or even regular broadcast.

However, I still watch a lot (A LOT) of television shows with streaming services and whatnot. I also live stream sporting events through my computer.

I get all the stuff I want. I just have to seek it out rather than being able to press a button and have regularly scheduled programming pour into the room.

This being the case, I'm still fully aware that 95 percent of summertime television is straight garbage.

The only sport to watch reliably (in non-Olympic years) is baseball, and, let's be honest, that's only interesting if your team is playing. Well, unless you're a Twins fan. (Zing!)

Beyond the lack of sports, networks debut shows in the summer they know are going to fail, and the rest of the regular lineup is reruns of grown-ups running obstacle courses.

In contrast to this never-ending stream of mundanity are things like Game 7 of the NBA Finals and the penultimate episode of season six of Game of Thrones.

Now, why (WHY?) do these two things have to happen at the same time?

I know, I know, Sunday night gets the most eyeballs and therefore the most appealing television, but we're swimming in a sea of televised dumpster water all summer and we can't stagger the two most interesting things available?

Why do people have to choose between LeBron and Steph, two man representing sword-wielding men of nobility and straight up warriors, trying to vanquish each other and John Snow and Ramsay Bolton, two sword-wielding bastards (like, actual technical use of the term bastard. I'm not swearing. I swear.), trying to vanquish each other?

The answer to the question of which even to watch live is obvious, of course, especially for those of us out there with HBONow. I'll watch the Finals and make my way over to streaming Thrones as soon as I finish hyperventilating.

But I shouldn't have to choose.

We can do better than this, America. I don't know how, and I don't even know who to complain to about this. But we can do better. It's just scheduling for goodness sake.

Nevertheless, the problem won't be solved this weekend, so just sit back, relax and enjoy watching the likely agonizing demise of whichever group you want that to happen to. Be they Starks, Cavaliers, Boltons or Warriors.