While just about everyone loves a white Christmas, just the opposite is about to be reality this year. Yes, there may be some white on the ground right now, or simply on your car, but the chances of it being there come Sunday is slimmer than the chance of the meteorologists being wrong about last night's weather activity.
So, to prepare for this impending doom -- or maybe celebration -- here are some new renditions of some good old Christmas classics.
I'm dreaming of a brown Christmas, just like the ones where snowbirds go.
No need to be a downer, it could be browner, or even black and yellow.
I'm dreaming of a brown Christmas, with every Christmas column I write.
May your days be merry and bright, whether or not your Christmas is white.
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, unless a burn ban says no.
Let's hope the weather man's a liar, otherwise, there will be no snow.
Everybody knows a shovel and a 4x4 won't be needed; ain't that nice?
Hockey pucks won't be able to score, because the sun melted the ice.
We know that Christmas must go on.
If weather's nice or cold or dreary Christmas day.
And all the shovel salesmen wonder why it's taking so long for any real snow to fly.
And so, I'm offering this simple phrase,
To kids from 1 to 92.
Although it may not look like it these days,
Merry Christmas to you.
Good luck making a movie based on either of those tunes.
On second thought, that might just work.
May you have a blessed holiday season.
As for the white Christmas? Better luck next year.