While enjoying some exciting pro football last weekend with Gabe Licht from The Daily Reporter and Ryan Long from KICD -- yes it was what we in the media refer to us a News Power Meeting -- I found cause to get up and venture to the men's room.
A little background if you don't mind. We were busy enjoying beverages, nachos and wings at one of our local fine dining establishments, cheering and screaming (for the waitress when we ran out of food and beverage) and calmly enjoying the game. As any of you with a functioning bladder know, however, when you load up on beverages, a necessary next step of the process ... well, let's put it this way: When Mother Nature calls, you better answer that phone baby.
Now, with the scene set on our little drama, dear reader, I beg you allow me to proceed. (Sorry, got a little Shakespearean on you there).
But I digress. I ventured to the men's room, and carefully studied the little drawings on the door carefully. I've made that mistake before and man were those Red Hat ladies mad when I hollered out, "Hey, where are the urinals in here?"
This time I got it right, and upon entering found myself greeted by a familiar voice from above. No, not THAT familiar voice. The voice of the sportscaster I was trying to hear in the dining room blaring from a TV screen positioned strategically for proper viewing for those seated.
Straining my neck to watch the play while standing and taking care of the necessary business, I began to ponder.
You see ladies, many men use this time alone -- whether standing or seated -- to contemplate a great many things about life. This is where some of the best philosophical thinkers of the modern era have resolved world issues and developed the seeds of wisdom behind master plans. Edison, he got tired of sitting there in the dark. Einstein, relativity. Alexander Graham Bell, out of toilet paper, no one could hear him shouting for assistance. Al Gore, that's right, the Inernet. Some of the world's most printed poets got their starts musing on a bathroom wall. Big thinkers all. Nothing to bother us, just a man alone with his thoughts. Next time you wonder what's taking us so long in there, know that something more than just nature is at work.
Now back to the story.
Developing a neck strain, I gave up on the game, only to turn and face a billboard of ads just a matter of inches from my nose.
May I please share my displeasure at all these bathroom distractions. I mean, I get it. While you're in there, you're a pretty captive audience. But please people, when someone is in the bathroom, and you have someone standing beside you also taking care of business, the last thing you want is for them to become distracted or turn around to catch the big play. That's how accidents happen.
It's just a suggestion, but one that really needs serious consideration. Please allow a man this moment of undistracted focus.