I can't believe it's not butter

"Hey Phil," I said, paraphrasing a quick e-mail to Mr. Hurst and staff at the Clay County Fair. "I think the Clay County Fair should bring Butter Cow Lady to Spencer to do the Michael Jackson butter sculpture. Imagine the publicity."

If you've been out of the loop and missed all of the drama the past few weeks, a Michael Jackson butter sculpture was planned for the annual display at the Iowa State Fair. Iowans grumbled, the state fair got nervous, passed it on to an Internet poll and, 100,000 votes later, Michael Jackson died - as a concept in butter, I mean.

Phil hasn't weighed in on the state fair's decision, as far as I know. He may be in the minority among Iowans with no expressed opinion on the topic. (Or, maybe there are thousands of Grandstand ticket orders to process who knows.)

Some Iowans didn't think Michael had an adequate connection to the state. That's never been the standard (See: Harry Potter and Elvis). There were a handful of suggestions that Ed Thomas, the late Aplington-Parkersburg coach, should be honored in butter. I think the sentiment is well-intended, but the butter sculptures are kitschy. There are far better ways to honor coach Thomas.

A state connection isn't the real issue anyway. Most "no" voters aren't comfortable about what was alleged at Neverland Ranch with Michael and the kids in his bedroom.

He was just a little bit weird and, well, we all seemed to be waiting for the other glove to drop.

It never did. It's possible Jackson gave some kids wine and tried to take advantage of them. It's also possible Jackson's relationships were innocent and taken advantage of by opportunistic adults.

Fortunately, we have the mullet and breaded pork tenderloin crowd to cut through the ambiguity and render a verdict. State fair guests won't have to have to worry about Butter Michael harming their kids.

So bring Butter Jacko to Spencer. It would be a hoot if Iowans in the "Steve King part" of the state said: "You know what? We're going to give the strange-looking, crotch-grabbing California dude the benefit of the doubt."

Sure, it would be a shameless marketing ploy. But, it's a county fair - that's completely in bounds. And, there's the added bonus of making Des Moines seem like the backwater part of the state.

I don't even think you'd have to refrigerate the statue. Just have Butter Cow Lady (Sarah Pratt) sculpt "Thriller" Michael Jackson. By Tuesday or Wednesday of the fair, he'd look like "Bad" Michael Jackson. By the weekend he'd look like he's getting ready for his London concerts. Or he'd be ready for a slice of toast - Fair weather can be unpredictable.

The point is, pop culture is like a statue made of food. It won't last. Next year there will be something new. And neither one should be taken so seriously.

In the meantime, Phil, can we at least have a mini butter-colored Michael in the Smoky Mountain Railroad display?