(Photo by Randy M. Cauthron) Angela Shelton related the trauma of abuse to a piercing sword which needs to be removed to allow the healing to begin.

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* The following story includes a topic and associated terminology of an adult nature. Parents may want to read first before allowing children to view

"I was 3 and I knew how to make the white stuff come out of my daddy's thingy."

Shocking.

"It's an epidemic. Children are being tortured. Children are being raped. Children are being sold."

Hard hitting.

"…I'm a Goddess. I love me. I'm awesome."

Humorous.

"I'm not into vengeance, I'm into protecting children."

Honest.

That's Angela Shelton in a nutshell.

She's a goddess, but she already shared that.

What people may not know about Shelton is that as a young southern girl she was robbed of her childhood and forced to keep secrets that her father and step-mother were abusing her and her siblings.

Tuesday, the filmmaker, activist and comedienne - who knew - preached to a captivated audience, relating her experiences as an incest survivor and more importantly, how she became a warrior in the fight to stop violence.

Her talk, the focus of "Breaking the Cycle of Trauma," put her in front of a large audience at SCT Playhouse Tuesday afternoon. Some of her audience were advocates, others work daily with trauma, still others were concerned citizens --  but one thing is for certain the session captivated all in attendance for nearly two hours.

"I am not a victim. My name is Angela Shelton and I am not alone."

She didn't always feel that way. And she didn't always know that there were others like her.

Her story is sadly heard far too often. And these stories need to end.

"My biological father sexually abused myself and my step-siblings for five years when I was ages 3 to 8. My father had left my mother for her best friend who had two children.

All of us felt there was something wrong but my father and my stepmother would repeatedly tell us that we were the perfect American family and that we just weren't supposed to talk about the things we did behind closed doors. When you have protective adults telling you that what you are experiencing is normal, there is a level of brainwashing and manipulation that goes on where you are not only scared to tell anyone but in a way programmed not to. Children want to protect their parents, even when those parents are abusive."

In 2001, she decided to make a documentary, "Searching for Angela Shelton" and located 76 Angela Sheltons on the internet and began calling them to learn more about them. Forty Angelas spoke with her. It was an extraordinary journey and a disturbing eye-opener when she discovered that 70 percent --  or 28 -- of them had been raped, beaten or molested at some point in their life.

"The funny thing is, I wasn't even born Angela Shelton. I changed my name when I was 18 because I didn't want to carry my father's name. Some of the Angela's thought I was nuts and hung up, a lot of them thought I was a tele-marketer and some were excited that someone from Hollywood was coming to interview them. Once I shared who I was the flood gates opened and the Angelas started telling me stories about how they were raped, molested and beaten. I heard so many abuse stories that I sat and cried for hours after I hung up sometimes. When I went 'Searching for Angela Shelton' I had no idea that I would have to dive into the reason why I chose to be Angela Shelton."

Making the documentary took three years and three different editors to complete; she has appeared on "48 Hours" and "The Oprah Winfrey Show" to promote her findings. An edited version aired on the "Lifetime" channel in 2006 as part of their campaign to end violence against women. She also appeared in front of Congress in support of the Violence Against Women Act in Washington, D.C.

The film includes a confrontation with her father, on Father's Day.

The film won 12 awards and she founded the Angela Shelton Foundation to support financially and link worldwide domestic and sexual abuse prevention organizations.

Since that time, the woman known to the public as Angela Shelton, has become a face that is viewed as an advocate in the arena of abuse.

"I could have sold my movie and signed a three picture deal - the opportunity was there. But when you get 20,000, 30,000, 40,000 and more e-mails, you either speak out for those who can't speak out for themselves or you ignore it," Shelton suggested.

"It's tough being me. I cannot go on a train, plane or automobile without hearing about violence."

And that's a big part of her message. Speaking out.

"I see an epidemic of violence and silence, and the silence is deafening," said Shelton.

"I have no plans of shutting up," assured Shelton. "The more I hear, the more p****d I get."

It was the documentary, she said, that changed her life.

"I pieced myself together because I literally fell apart…My most popular thought in my head was, 'I am a piece of s**t. You are stupid and worthless.'

"I was forced to get better. I can't go around and do this and then go back and be a self mutilator. I'm not a hypocrite."

Starting her presentation, Shelton entered the stage in her own t-shirt brandishing a sword.

"I talk about the sword a lot. I talk about trauma. Trauma is like being pierced by a sword. You can live with this trauma for the rest of your life -- you can ignore it. It's called denial…To pull this out of your body is incredibly painful. It's more painful coming out than going it. You're going to have to have a support group. Going to have to have some recovery time. It's okay to remove it, but when you remove it, you have a big gaping wound. You need to do some major healing work. But when you remove it, you have it…You want to revolt, you get better."

"They want me to be quiet. I refuse to be quiet."

Her talks have allowed the healing to begin for so many.

"The most common comment I hear from people seeing my film or hearing me speak is 'thank you' and 'I see now that I am not alone.' I have never been hugged so much in my life like I've been hugged by people who have seen my film. It has certainly made up for all of the love lost in my childhood. I do this work for the survivors so that they may move forward, unite, and dramatically change the world by breaking the cycle of abuse."

Her goal is "to help mobilize people to create massive change in society by inspiring and empowering all survivors to heal and lead joyful lives thereby breaking the cycle of abuse. Violence cannot live in the face of true joy and healing." 

It's important, according to Shelton, to remove the shame and stigma associated with abuse.

"Everyone is going through it…If I could say one thing on Larry King, I would say, 'As you're flailing around and thinking you're alone in your own trauma, people are getting rich. They're organized.

"Child pornography is a big industry. We're not going to take it down. It's too big. People need to be united. We can't do that when we're fighting against each other."

But it all starts with self healing.

"I had to remove the sword. It's not a part of me…I had to change what I was saying about myself in my head. 'I'm stupid, I shouldn't, couldn't, can't, I'm worthless, I deserved it."

Shelton acknowledged that it's those thoughts that lead to self-mutilation, drinking, smoking, suicide.

"You have to create a new thought pattern. It has to be completely different. It's all about what you're saying in your head…It really does change your behavior."

She added, "As a goddess you can't be mutilating yourself.

Shelton concluded by telling her audience, "I'm an artist who comments on what she sees…I am not a victim. My name is Angela Shelton and I am not alone."

The forum was sponsored by Centers Against Abuse and Sexual Abuse (CAASA), Spencer Hospital, Second Chances, New Leaf and Saga Communications.

* If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic or sexual violence, please call CAASA's 24-hour toll-free hotline at 1-877-362-4612. Portions of this story were taken from a piece written by Lorri Glawe, Storm Lake Pilot Tribune, special to The Daily Reporter.