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Northwest Iowa's guide to Mountain Lions

Posted Wednesday, December 7, 2011, at 6:25 PM

There's a buzz going around of possible Mountain Lions in Northwest Iowa. One picture circulating Facebook, which was taken by a trail camera, shows a large cat attacking a Buck. Everyone seems to be excited yet scared of what this new possibility may mean for us small town Iowans. I've done some research and good news people, there's no need to fear. This Mountain Lion threat does have some positive aspects. Let's review.

1. A Mountain Lions preferred diet is deer, elk, livestock, and pets. I don't know about anyone else, but I've seen a lot of deer carcasses this fall that were struck by vehicles on the side of the road. Mountain Lions can now act as road kill cleanup for us Iowa drivers.

2. Many citizens motivated by fear will now buy gym memberships instead of walking dirt or back roads for exercise. This stimulates our economy right?

3. Parents now have a valid excuse why their teenagers can not go "gravel travelin" or "cruising" at night.

4. A pet owner will not forget to let their pets back into the house with the threat of possible Mountain Lions, which is a bonus for neighbors irritated by barking dogs.

5. Mountain lions are said to be most active in winter because their large paws can sprint faster over deep snow than their prey and these lions are so smart it's said that they can visually track deer by following their hoof-prints in the snow. Now Iowa hunters can honestly tell their wives that an expensive tree blind is a necessity for their hunting safety.

Now if you are the unfortunate individual who does happen to encounter a Mountain Lion, there are some do's and don'ts that may save your life.

1. Don't run away. Mountain Lions can reach speeds up to 45 miles per hour. It may be your first instinct but this excites the animal. If you can't outrun your dog, what makes you think you can outrun a Mountain Lion?

2. Do yell at the Mountain Lion. It helps them identify you as not being their prey and may help scare them off. Christmas jingles are always the easiest to remember and who knows, Jingle Bells, may end up saving your life.

3. Don't crouch down or turn your back on the animal. Stare down your opponent like he's stolen your purse and slowly back away.

4. Do pretend to be bigger than you are. Puff up those shoulders, stretch out your arms, and let that gut hang out. Intimidation works in the cat world no matter how stupid you think you look.

5. Don't play dead. This only tells the Mountain Lion one thing, "Order Up!"

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I'll tall you what I had an experents with a lion one nite on the little sioux coon hunting I thought I was a gonner!!! it's 1:30 am so I'll tell the story some other time. That s.o.b. had his sites on me. And I thought I was a gonner. It isn't the only one i saw I saw two to gether to different sizes,and a 40 pounder a defferent time. No it's just not a stray tom once in awhile like the DNR say's it's a breeding population I know I'm in the woods all the time. We got god damn wolves too.

-- Posted by river man on Tue, Apr 24, 2012, at 1:48 AM

Alyce, I just now read this in advance of updating my own blog. I've heard the same types of conversations, but not in a humorous light. It's almost like the "Zombie Apocolypse Preparation Guide," or whatever it's called. Good job!

-- Posted by Gabe Licht on Fri, Dec 16, 2011, at 12:15 PM

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My name is Alyce Townsend. I have lived in Spencer, Iowa for the last 6 and half years. I'm originally a small town girl from Primghar but moved to Spencer because of the big city shopping with small town appeal. Okay, maybe that's not the whole truth. I hate driving in snow. Living in Spencer allows me to never have to leave town in the winter! I'm a 26 year old mother of three children ages 6, 5, and 4. Yes, that's how old they are. Yes, I know. Please stop laughing. I am currently enrolled in Iowa Lakes Community College for my Business Degree with hopes for someday having my own online clothing store. When I'm not doing homework, chasing kids, or cleaning house I love to write. Writing is my release and I currently have been working on screenplays I hope will someday become Oscar worthy motion pictures. I must warn you that I do at times have a twisted sense of humor, so I hope that when reading my blogs of whatever topic I may joke about, you leave with a smile and a whole new perspective!
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