Another life ends. How you could save a life.

How to save a life: real relationships.

He was found, dead, in his favorite park in Vancouver today. He took his own life.

His family and friends are not only grieving his loss tonight, but also left wondering if they could have done something to make a difference.

http://www.seattlepi.com/tvguide/415913_...

The man was Andrew Koenig, 41, best known for playing Mike Seaver (Kirk Cameron)'s best friend Richard Stabone (Boner) on Growing Pains in the 1980s.

Since then he has had success as a writer, director and editor of television and film.

But he has been haunted over the years by a disorder, a demon that never really lets go -- depression.

Within the last two weeks, two other high-profile men: 40 year old British designer Alexander McQueen, and Michael Blosil, the 18 year old son of singer Marie Osmond, took their own lives.

McQueen was experiencing a crushing depression after the death of his beloved mother. Blosil, a college freshman, was feeling like he had no friends and would never fit in.

We can look from a distance and say McQueen would eventually have found peace and joy in life after mourning his mother. Many of us could tell Blosil he would have found his own place in the world, and he wouldn't be the first one to find it sometime after college and young adulthood.

But in depression's crush, altered perceptions of life, particularly the perception that everything is hopeless and nothing will get better, are difficult, if not impossible, to shake.

People with depression, bipolar disorder, and similar mental disorders who take their own life usually don't really want to die -- they really want, no need, to escape the pain that those not so afflicted cannot imagine.

There is no cure.

Medicine can treat the symptoms, but relationships (supportive, loving ones preferably) are what make a real difference in alleviating the anguish.

In my introduction to this blog, I said I would be writing about faith, relationships, simple, sustainable living, creative writing and mental health. I've not written anything about that last one because even I am fearful of stigma.

Usually I'm fearless. Usually I'm not one to issue an opinion poll, wondering how the people around me feel about how I live my life. I'm reasonably confident that I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing.

Having said that, I struggle with bipolar disorder and sometimes, unfortunately, it shows.

Stigma keeps people from reaching out. Uncertainty of how to deal with people who have a mental disorder blocks closer relationships. Stereotypes from the past cause people who could make a difference hold back out of fear. Celebrities using bipolar disorder as an excuse for all kinds of behavior raise suspicion that tomorrow one of the people with bipolar disorder in your own community will do something similar.

All of it adds to the real risk of death for up to ten percent of the people around you in our community. Some have problems that are more visible. Others keep it inside.

If you see someone struggling, and you have some kindness inside you, reaching out in friendship could save a life.

I take meds and I will say it again -- medicine is a necessary treatment, but one with unreliable effectiveness for most people. Relationships provide a motivation to keep living when the pain is intense.

There is no cure.