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If We're Adults, Why Do We Need This List?Posted Friday, December 18, 2009, at 2:40 PM
The scene: elementary music concert in a very nice historical auditorium at what was once Spencer High School, then Spencer Middle School, now being converted into the senior center and some apartments -- but the auditorium stays. Performers were kindergarten through 3rd grade students, divided by grade, from Lincoln Elementary -- one of three elementary schools here in Spencer, Iowa.
The audience: apparently nine or ten family members per student on average because we got there early and still had to sit in the nosebleed seats in the balcony (but not the tippy-top balcony, as Bryan later pointed out.) These were elementary school parents, aged approximately 25-45 with the usual mix of siblings, aunts, uncles and grandparents. The program: the front side had a listing of the singing groups and a thank you to teachers, staff, parents, families, and a nice holiday greeting. The back side: a slap. "THE TEN RULES OF CONCERT ETIQUETTE (FOR ADULTS)" This was apparently reprinted from the National Association for Music Education http://musicfriends.org/ Friends indeed. If the ten rules had been stated on their own, it wouldn't have been so bad, though kind of common sense items like Turn off pagers, cell phones and watch alarms and do not wave to your child during the concert. Ed says the explanations of each rule have a sardonic tone and were meant for levity. I slept on them and still do not feel levitated in the least. I won't retype the entire thing here, but I will share some gems: 1) Refrain from talking This is the first and greatest rule This rule includes whispering to or disciplining your other children. Okay -- if we don't discipline our other children or whisper to them to pipe down, how will we necessarily get them to follow rule 1 if they in fact are not? 2) Refrain from unwrapping noisy candy wrappers during the performance If the composer wanted to include crinkle paper noises to the music, he/she would have written it into the parts. Would we make that sound on a cabasa maybe? I'm not sure what the elementary budget is for auxiliary percussion. I still felt that description sounded rAWther snAWty. Skipping ahead to 4 -- my personal favorite. Do not wave to your child during the concert. After all, they do know who you are already and they know you are there; you most likely brought them to the concert. I'm not a fan of inducing children to wave while on stage for a performance. With a slight background in performing arts myself, I hope my children have a modicum of stage presence and even in a singing performance get the concept of the fourth wall. I had to enjoy the mother right in the middle of the audience who stuck up her hand in glorious tower and did in fact wave to her child several times during the rather raucous kindergarteners' performance. Way to stick it to The man. But, in explanation, another rule that came out rAWther snAWty. 8 -- Applaud at appropriate times. Some music has several sections. Remember, it's not over until all of the sections have been performed. Okay. I get it. However, I have been not only to the illustrious Sioux City Symphony and many of the local chamber groups and other classical performances around this region, but I have had the good fortune to attend the New York Philharmonic, the London Philharmonic, the Minneapolis Symphony and similar professional performances in formal performing spaces in various locations and in EVERY ONE there are a sprinkling of clappers who applaud between movements or sections. Clap clap clap -- then it fades out. I am not aware of anyone having died during one of these small outbursts of applause. And if it's jazz performance, I'd be sad if someone didn't applaud during my child's solo or sectional outtake in which he or she would most assuredly have been, as they say, the bomb. 9 - Do not leave the auditorium during the music. Wait for a break in the concert to visit the restroom, unless you are carrying a screaming child, in which case you should leave quietly and quickly, PLEASE! I have no issue with this one per se except to ask a survey question -- it is one thing to bring a baby sibling to his or her sibling's concert, but do you bring a baby to a movie? Just asking -- the last few movies I have been to had babies there -- and they were sitting with their parents in prime center seats. I am guilty of bringing a baby to a movie, especially when we went to movies as a family when Bryan was a baby. However 1) we went at a time he was likely to sleep through it and he generally did; and 2) I sat in a rear aisle seat with him so I could get out quickly if I needed to; and 3) when he was a toddler we went to kid-oriented movies only and I spent large portions of many of them in the lobby with him because that is what we do as parents. I have to say a rAWther snAWty word to parents who remain in the movie theater while their baby continues to express him or herself noisily. Get out. Thank you for reading if you got this far. A Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night. Comments Showing comments in chronological order [Show most recent comments first] |
Amy Hillgren Peterson has been married to Ed since 1992 and is the mother of three children: one at Spencer High School, one at Spencer Middle School, and one at Lincoln Elementary School. Her articles and essays have won several awards and have appeared in local and national publications. She is the author of a memoir and a novel, and is currently at work on a trilogy of stage plays. She blogs about faith, relationships, simple, sustainable living, mental health and creative writing.
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Loved your post, Amy! These etiquette rules reflect common sense and decency, but I must admit that as I age as a mother -- I'm much more tolerant and relaxed on a few of these points.
Although it would be a wonderful world to be sans screaming children in all performances, I do appreciate those attendees who extend grace when little ones are a tad bit fussy.
Often, I find the 55- to 65-year-old grandparents most forgiving and willing to extend grace in such settings. BLESS THEM! Those 70 and older seem to forget the struggles of young families and are less gracious...at least this has been my experience.
I can't tell you the number of times I've 'braved' a performance with my 5-year-old because I'm flying solo as a parent at that particular event. While my in-laws live in town, they are often much too busy or willing to watch my kids at it infringes upon the freedom of their schedule. I most typically improvise. (Incidentally, my in-laws fall within the 70 and older crowd. This is an entirely different rabbit trail topic, and one I'll avoid for the sake of losing my joy today.) Suffice it to say -- I lug my kids to a lot of events without my spouse and without the help of family.
I especially appreciate those people who extend my family grace and kindness when my kids are figety or a little vocal during a performance. As a mother, I do my best to keep them quiet for the benefit of all, yet I also want them to be in a setting where they learn to develop and practice good etiquette, too. :)
Always remember the people sitting around you may not think your children are as cute and precious as you do.
I personally find it nice they would post simple rules of etiquette, in fact I wish Fairview schools had posted some on their program, as a select few of the parents/adults lacked common decency for the other children and their parents. It's unfortunate that they had to resort to this, but as a parent who would like to see and hear their child perform, I appreciate them taking a step to combat some issues.
During the Fairview concert, the first this holiday season for Spencer Schools, parents and family members seemed to talk their entire way through all of the songs, not only was it distracting to the children, it was distracting to other parents. Then parents began going up to the front rows, plucking their children to take them home. I would assume yes there would be a few parents needing to rush off to make it to a night shift, or another function, but when parent after parent ran up to get their child and their child asking them "Daddy, why do we have to leave now?"... mind you all the while children were up there singing only 3 songs per grade - it just didn't seem right and fair to the other kids left to sing. By the time they reached the 3rd grade - the audience was already half cleared out.
I think we need to support all our children and teach them about taking one for the team sort-to-say...in this case I think the children behaved better than some of the parents. All the children did a wonderful job singing, and even sitting still and quietly listening as their peers took their turn to shine, and clapping, yes, when appropriate. I commend the schools for adding in the "rules" of the concert - it's just too bad that some people need to be reminded.
As a musician myself, and a witness to most of these things during performances I have participated in and oversaw, the gist of these rules is right on. However, the wording is, as you say, snAWty. Surely there are better ways of reminding people what's appropriate in a pretty common social situation...
I agree with the rules and have to say that some of the biggest violators are adults. It's simple etiquette but unfortunately manners have gone out of style. I appreciate the reminders.